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backtothezebra's Journal
BackToTheZebra.. What the..?
Created on 2007-03-09 05:10:41 (#12458226), last updated 2009-01-22
110 comments received, 190 comments posted
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53 Journal Entries, 6 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 4 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | BackToTheZebra |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 03-02 |
| Location: | New Jersey, United States |
BioI wrote this up ages ago on my old livejournal account. Some people enjoyed it, and it's still fairly accurate, so I'll just copy and paste it here from my old journal.
I will sometimes offer my hand to my enemy.
I will not always assist my friend.
I will not care about everything.
I do not believe in love;
I fear I love.
I love the rain.
I love thunderstorms.
I cheer on destruction spawned from storms.
I cheer for those who face destruction in storms.
I need my medicine.
I enjoy being depressed.
I hate hating;
I love loving;
I do neither of the above two.
I hate myself, but care enough to stay alive.
I care not about other's troubles;
I only care for for them.
I don't want to cut;
I cut.
I believe I can fly;
I failed to fly.
I love the ocean;
I fear the ocean.
I am a Pisces.
I believe in ghosts;
I believe in living demons.
I believe in Satan;
I believe he lives with us, he is one of us.
I hope for a better life;
I fear all change.
I am a virgin;
I am a slut in my mind.
I love my few friends;
I ignore my friend's needs.
I do not lie on purpose;
I lie to cover my ass.
Am I a bad person?
Am I a good person?
Am I a normal person?
I am strange.
I am me.
It wasn't meant as a poem even though many treated it as one. I just one day decided to write down several traits about myself and how contradictory I can be at times.. most of the time. I sorta evolved, and changed from there. The above isn't nearly as it was originally. I've edited it several times to reflect changes in my life, but the major ones.. they're still quite accurate as they were some five years ago when I wrote it. It's a biography in itself almost, save specific details that I probably wouldn't want to share with anyone. None that I would want to share for now, anyway.
To expand on the above, I consider myself to be a rather inefficient human. I constantly contradict my mind with my body. If I believe in something, the chances are that I am going completely against it. I've looked for guidance in my life, and either ignored it or couldn't find it. Most who know my story will tell you I really am self raised, self educated, but not self supporting. My anxiety problems have thus far refused to yield to progress beyond my room, so I'm as of the time of writing this, quite poor and about to become homeless. I often blame others for my own shortcomings, verbally at least, when I know I am to blame for most of them. I was shaped so completely by my family that school and social interaction outside the home had nothing to do with how I was raised, so while I could blame my family for my problems - I as a person allowed them to get to me. It's my own fault, and I know that.
Moving on to actual biography type information that I'll share with you.. I was born in Kansas, Wichita to be precise, in 1989. I was shortly moved to Nebraska where my parents were working at Offut Air Force Base until I was three or so. My father retired, and my mother quit. I went to a small preschool, and remember enough to know that I hated my first year and a half there, but loved the second year in general. Mrs. Theresa, she moved to Hawaii, if I'm not mistaken. From there I moved on to attend the local elementary school. The school wasn't bad, save for a few select issues. I started skipping school around this time, was bored and tired of learning nothing. I just stayed at home quite often playing on the computer. I moved on to the local middle school - which again, I skipped a lot of school. Got into some legal trouble for it, pissed off quite a few teachers over it- but aside from that, my memory is quite fuzzy. High school.. ah yes.. the time of everyone's life they look back on in disgust yet have a soft spot for the times spent. I will too, probably. My Freshman year wasn't bad at all. Made a few friends, met a girl I really liked, and for once attended the whole year. Aced everything, proved a point to my parents. Over summer break, Freshmen Sophomore year break, things started to get pretty bad. My father turned into about the biggest prick I've ever met. I also fell into a great rut with my anxiety starting to surface, and depression running quite rampant on me, about this time. This led to me failing almost all of my first semester of Sophomore year, at which point some things went down more locally in my family that fell like dominos into yielding my current character. I won't go into that, it's too hard to explain and frankly, it pisses me off. I will say, the entire section of events in Nebraska from this point on.. were completely wrong on all levels. Legal bullshit, to be frank yet again. Anyway - long story short, sister and father pull shit, I get expelled from Nebraska by court order, and I come to New Jersey.
From here, I attended the local high school for a while. When I started requiring some 16 hours of sleep or more per 8 hours awake, I was forced to drop out. No real loss, the students and teachers here disgusted me. I've been sitting at this keyboard on my computer pretty much ever since.
Yeah, tried to structure that a bit, go into some detail, but it got quite long and I didn't want that. That's also why my grammar usage changed a fair bit.
[/end]
I will sometimes offer my hand to my enemy.
I will not always assist my friend.
I will not care about everything.
I do not believe in love;
I fear I love.
I love the rain.
I love thunderstorms.
I cheer on destruction spawned from storms.
I cheer for those who face destruction in storms.
I need my medicine.
I enjoy being depressed.
I hate hating;
I love loving;
I do neither of the above two.
I hate myself, but care enough to stay alive.
I care not about other's troubles;
I only care for for them.
I don't want to cut;
I cut.
I believe I can fly;
I failed to fly.
I love the ocean;
I fear the ocean.
I am a Pisces.
I believe in ghosts;
I believe in living demons.
I believe in Satan;
I believe he lives with us, he is one of us.
I hope for a better life;
I fear all change.
I am a virgin;
I am a slut in my mind.
I love my few friends;
I ignore my friend's needs.
I do not lie on purpose;
I lie to cover my ass.
Am I a bad person?
Am I a good person?
Am I a normal person?
I am strange.
I am me.
It wasn't meant as a poem even though many treated it as one. I just one day decided to write down several traits about myself and how contradictory I can be at times.. most of the time. I sorta evolved, and changed from there. The above isn't nearly as it was originally. I've edited it several times to reflect changes in my life, but the major ones.. they're still quite accurate as they were some five years ago when I wrote it. It's a biography in itself almost, save specific details that I probably wouldn't want to share with anyone. None that I would want to share for now, anyway.
To expand on the above, I consider myself to be a rather inefficient human. I constantly contradict my mind with my body. If I believe in something, the chances are that I am going completely against it. I've looked for guidance in my life, and either ignored it or couldn't find it. Most who know my story will tell you I really am self raised, self educated, but not self supporting. My anxiety problems have thus far refused to yield to progress beyond my room, so I'm as of the time of writing this, quite poor and about to become homeless. I often blame others for my own shortcomings, verbally at least, when I know I am to blame for most of them. I was shaped so completely by my family that school and social interaction outside the home had nothing to do with how I was raised, so while I could blame my family for my problems - I as a person allowed them to get to me. It's my own fault, and I know that.
Moving on to actual biography type information that I'll share with you.. I was born in Kansas, Wichita to be precise, in 1989. I was shortly moved to Nebraska where my parents were working at Offut Air Force Base until I was three or so. My father retired, and my mother quit. I went to a small preschool, and remember enough to know that I hated my first year and a half there, but loved the second year in general. Mrs. Theresa, she moved to Hawaii, if I'm not mistaken. From there I moved on to attend the local elementary school. The school wasn't bad, save for a few select issues. I started skipping school around this time, was bored and tired of learning nothing. I just stayed at home quite often playing on the computer. I moved on to the local middle school - which again, I skipped a lot of school. Got into some legal trouble for it, pissed off quite a few teachers over it- but aside from that, my memory is quite fuzzy. High school.. ah yes.. the time of everyone's life they look back on in disgust yet have a soft spot for the times spent. I will too, probably. My Freshman year wasn't bad at all. Made a few friends, met a girl I really liked, and for once attended the whole year. Aced everything, proved a point to my parents. Over summer break, Freshmen Sophomore year break, things started to get pretty bad. My father turned into about the biggest prick I've ever met. I also fell into a great rut with my anxiety starting to surface, and depression running quite rampant on me, about this time. This led to me failing almost all of my first semester of Sophomore year, at which point some things went down more locally in my family that fell like dominos into yielding my current character. I won't go into that, it's too hard to explain and frankly, it pisses me off. I will say, the entire section of events in Nebraska from this point on.. were completely wrong on all levels. Legal bullshit, to be frank yet again. Anyway - long story short, sister and father pull shit, I get expelled from Nebraska by court order, and I come to New Jersey.
From here, I attended the local high school for a while. When I started requiring some 16 hours of sleep or more per 8 hours awake, I was forced to drop out. No real loss, the students and teachers here disgusted me. I've been sitting at this keyboard on my computer pretty much ever since.
Yeah, tried to structure that a bit, go into some detail, but it got quite long and I didn't want that. That's also why my grammar usage changed a fair bit.
[/end]
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aim, air conditioners, airplanes, alcohol, amp, anti-depressants, astronomy, bad hair, bawls, being cold, being short, being wet, bikes, biting my nails, black, bleeding, brownies, cappucino, care bears, cats, cheese, cheese balls, chicks, chile, chinese food, cigarettes, clocks, coats, coconuts, coffee, coke, computers, cooking, creepy things, crying, cults, cutting, depression, dictionaries, diet coke, dogs, doors, dr pepper, females, ffx, final fantasy, fish, forums, games, girls, hamsters, hitler, jackets, jeans, jets, knives, light rock, lightning, lights, lime coke, livejournal, march, marx, mexican food, mice, mist, monkeys, mountain dew, movies, music, my cat, my crush, navy, pain, panties, people, pepsi, philosophy, phones, picking my nose, pie, pillows, pineapples, pisces, planes, pop, psychology, rain, randomness, razors, rock, sadness, school, self injury, sex, sharp things, sharpies, shortness, si, singing, sleep, social anxiety disorder, soda, solitude, spicy food, spurious whims, standing in the rain, storms, suicide, t.v., tech, technology, telekinesis, telephones, the history channel, the occult, things i can't have, things i don't know, thinking, thunder, toilets, vaginas, vanilla coke, vibrators, video games, vodka, walking in the rain
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